Marriage is a particularly hard business. In many ways, I feel like I am crashing and burning. Sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten married; I remember how much less worried I was when we just dating. I worry that we won't pay all the bills, I worry that I am not doing everything a wife should do, and I worry that I am no fun anymore.
At night I lay in my bed and wonder how my life would be different if we didn't marry. Would I be living at home or with a roommate, would I even be in this area? I wonder if I would be dating lots of guys instead of just one. I wonder if we did the right thing getting married because we argue so much. I pray that I am not the only one who feels this way and I pray that it's only the getting settled and that we won't be so quarrelsome and stressed out forever.
I have so many things going through my head right now; I am scared to move so far from my parents knowing that I won't be coming home every break and during the summer. I will have a new home ten hours away and I don't know if I can do it. I don't want to do it. I'm not feeling very adventurous at all and I just want to curl up with my mom and watch a movie.
Despite all my worrying, everything seems to get done. Mr. Adventure still hasn't received one of his paychecks and I got mine late but somehow we have enough money. We still have those magical moments every once in a while that remind me of the old days; we sat up in bed and talked until late into the night. Sometimes we laugh so hard and sometimes I just want to cry myself to sleep. Pray for my piece of mind.
I've never been one for change; I cried for days after high school graduation and I cried when it was time to leave for college. I get stuck in the past and how wonderful things used to be that I forget to embrace the wonder and joy that could be the future.
I am praying for peace and happiness in all things; I am praying that I will make the Lord my strength instead of leaning on myself.
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